I have had a lot of time on my hands lately so I've been doing a lot of looking into things and, apart from becoming completely cynical and near-paranoid (in a good way!), I have come to understand some new, "alternative" perspectives on the world. Some not so alternative. I'm going to share with you some of the things I've seen:
Zeitgeist: the underground movie everyone is talking about, which questions our entire grid for understanding our reality, including religion, politics, wars, media, and everything in between. It's a film I don't agree fully with, but we can't ever agree fully on anything anyway. Prepare to have your faith tested, and your eyes opened. Highly recommended!
Freedom to Fascism: Aaron Russo's film which questions the legality of the income tax and attacked the growing authoritarianism in American life.
The Century of the Self: a 4-part documentary which aired on BBC in the UK. "This series is about how those in power have used Freud's theories to try and control the dangerous crowd in an age of mass democracy." This documentary is VERY GOOD! It offers quite a different, less-sinister (or more sinister?) view on the "ruling elite", and is very well done.
Biblical Nutrition 101: this free e-book is quite cheesy, and if you don't mind the sales pitch, you'll be presented with a great case for a diet change. I found this after I had already made my diet changes and had begun working towards a mostly raw vegan diet. It'll make you think for sure!
Red Pill Reich: the blog of a nurse who, in her words, is "shattering the myth of modern medicine". The most recent post on the site is from mid-2008 and it says she's faced some unnamed pressures to cease posting, but she has left all the valuable information up. She discusses the pharmaceutical industry (origins and practices), the medical establishment, perscription drugs, the effort to "manage" disease rather than cure it, the toxicity of vaccines, the fluoridation of tap water (btw, check this video out) and so on. This site is a must for anyone living in North America.
Positivity Blog: I've noticed that the information I've been feeding on has been a little unbalanced and has become a little too weighty at times. There is a need for me to not think so much and to find some hope and encouragement. Enter the PositivityBlog.com; take a look, I think it explains itself.
TED: Wow, what a great site! A collection of talks by some of the greatest minds alive today. This is like doing sudoku; they really get you thinking!
I may have put my blog on some watchlist by mentioning some of these things, but oh well. Enjoy!!
Showing posts with label Life in General. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life in General. Show all posts
Friday, December 12, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Disaster Capitalism
I read an excerpt from a book called The Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism by Naomi Klein here. In it, she describes the actions of people like Milton Friedman in the days, weeks, and months after Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. Essentially, "within 19 months, with most of the city's poor residents still in exile, New Orleans' public school system had been almost completely replaced by privately run charter schools."
Another excerpt reads:
"For more than three decades, Friedman and his powerful followers had been perfecting this very strategy: waiting for a major crisis, then selling off pieces of the state to private players while citizens were still reeling from the shock."
With this as an example, it seems there's been an evolution within capitalism so that absoultely everything is submitted to a corporation by any means necessary. With this mindset, a natural evolution takes place, and seems to be completely realistic. Here is what I mean:
Waiting for disasters to happen and planning to swoop in with corporate takeovers > Preventing measures to make these disasters impact less (like strengthening the dykes around New Orleans, etc.) > Actually weakening the dykes so that when disaster hits the effect is multiplied > Timing wreckage with disaster to avoid any "miracles" > The creation of "disasters" (terrorist events, wars, the boogie man in Afghanistan, the threat of disaster in the form of a pending epidemic, shootings, and so on... the media loves to help this cause).
My thought is that if there are large groups of people whose "optimism" in the face of "disaster" is actually veiled opportunism, then there are factions within those groups whose greed has been accelerated to the point where the truest form of "survival of the fittest" is evident. This leaves little to no regard for the well-being of the "lower class", or those who haven't been "fit" enough to amass large amounts of wealth. The mindset evolves to "it's their own fault", and they prey on the belief of many in the goodness of people.
This was also seen shortly after the United states "won" the war in Iraq, which was not a declaration of victory, but the sound of a starting gun for the bidding war on contracts in this newly acquired, oil-drenched land. This idea is quite familiar. In fact, it seems to be a trait of some prophetic character, given in Daniel 11:39...
He will attack the mightiest fortresses with the help of a foreign god and will greatly honor those who acknowledge him. He will make them rulers over many people and will distribute the land at a price.
This is disgusting, but sadly relevant to anyone who lives anywhere.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Prophetic Joseph
I have had the actions of Joseph as Governor of Egypt as described in Genesis on my mind as I've watched the unfolding of this whole-world financial crisis. If you're not familiar with the story, here's a quick recap:
Joseph was in prison, accused of attempted rape on the Captain of the Guard's wife, when he was brought before Pharaoh as a last resort to interpret dreams that had been plaguing him for several nights; Joseph deciphers with precision that seven years of abundance would come, followed by seven years of drought, and recommended he appoint someone to oversee the stockpiling of food resources over the years of abundance to avoid the ruin that would face Egypt if they didn't; Pharoah appoints Joseph, who taxes the farming nation a fifth of their production and oversees its safekeeping; when the seven years of drought hit, he sells the food (yes, sells) to the people whom he taxed as well as people from other nations who didn't have the foresight to prepare, and keeps selling until they are deprived of all their money (47:14), all their working animals, their privately-owned land, and then to top it all off, if they wanted food they had to give themselves as slaves to the service of the throne.
So Joseph bought all the land in Egypt for Pharaoh. The Egyptians, one and all, sold their fields, because the famine was too severe for them. The land became Pharaoh's, and Joseph reduced the people to servitude, from one end of Egypt to the other. Gen 47:20-21
Up until the last few months, I had glossed over this, presuming that because the implication was that Joseph did a good thing, that he did a good thing. But it seems to me now that this was actually quite a violation of the values that we hold these days as far as politics and laws go. Essentially, the natural occurrence of a famine was used to bring an entire nation of free, land-owning people into ownership by their unelected king. The text is clear that he "reduced the people", and it is suddenly shocking!
Now, I understand certain things about Genesis, whereby there are very many prophetic stories that may cause us to raise an eyebrow at their happening as historical events, but may do more to tell us about what's going to happen in the future. The sacrifice of Isaac is another such story, which is graphic and unthinkable, but which also prophesies the actions of the Son (so that we can recognize him and understand the redemption plan), and tells the story of the Father's love. This story of Joseph prophesies the work of Christ at the end, possibly enabling the servitude of all mankind to one head so that he could most easily swoop in and assume the throne created.
It seems the whole mortgage and banking collapse is much the same as this story of Joseph. It makes me uneasy that governments are providing bailout packages to the big banks and are actually purchasing billions of dollars worth of shares in them. They are purchasing large sections of the banks, which have put the vast majority of people into meaningless jobs, doing nothing more than a servant's tasks in order to keep living. To make it make even less sense, the government is using the money they've collected from the indebted people as a percentage of the wage they earn at their job - jobs these people keep in order to pay their debt - to give to and invest in the companies that have indebted them. And to take it one more step, these bailed-out banks have created the money they lent to "debt consumers" virtually out of thin air (ie. there is not enough currency printed to even come close to the amount of debt is payable out there), by legislation that allows them to use and lend out 90% of bank deposits. They charge usury on absolutely nothing, no paper linked to a piece of gold. The government is bailing them out?
The harsh reality is that the vast majority of Westerners have been sold the idea of slavery to debt as, very probably, the only way to survive. So we buy homes, and it is just so convenient that they are only affordable for the average worker if the amortization period is round about the length of time it takes us to reach retirement age. I saw somebody's Facebook status today, which read: "I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go", and it saddened me to think that this is reality for a great majority of people who work not because they enjoy it, but because they either owe enormous sums of money to the banks, or because they've bought into the "dream" that success is owing that much, or even less forunately, they work because they just can't keep up or get ahead.
Why this obsession with productivity? Why must life be centered around work? For the life of me, I've never been able to understand this. If we are the animals they say we are, why aren't we playing as much as animals are, socializing as much, getting as much rest as we need, and for heaven's sake, working just enough to meet our needs? Unfortunately, as "animals", the survival instinct kicks in and dictates the gathering of wealth to weather nature's storms and provide longevity for ourselves and our offspring.
Not much makes sense in this godless system of servitude when you really think about it.
Joseph was in prison, accused of attempted rape on the Captain of the Guard's wife, when he was brought before Pharaoh as a last resort to interpret dreams that had been plaguing him for several nights; Joseph deciphers with precision that seven years of abundance would come, followed by seven years of drought, and recommended he appoint someone to oversee the stockpiling of food resources over the years of abundance to avoid the ruin that would face Egypt if they didn't; Pharoah appoints Joseph, who taxes the farming nation a fifth of their production and oversees its safekeeping; when the seven years of drought hit, he sells the food (yes, sells) to the people whom he taxed as well as people from other nations who didn't have the foresight to prepare, and keeps selling until they are deprived of all their money (47:14), all their working animals, their privately-owned land, and then to top it all off, if they wanted food they had to give themselves as slaves to the service of the throne.
So Joseph bought all the land in Egypt for Pharaoh. The Egyptians, one and all, sold their fields, because the famine was too severe for them. The land became Pharaoh's, and Joseph reduced the people to servitude, from one end of Egypt to the other. Gen 47:20-21
Up until the last few months, I had glossed over this, presuming that because the implication was that Joseph did a good thing, that he did a good thing. But it seems to me now that this was actually quite a violation of the values that we hold these days as far as politics and laws go. Essentially, the natural occurrence of a famine was used to bring an entire nation of free, land-owning people into ownership by their unelected king. The text is clear that he "reduced the people", and it is suddenly shocking!
Now, I understand certain things about Genesis, whereby there are very many prophetic stories that may cause us to raise an eyebrow at their happening as historical events, but may do more to tell us about what's going to happen in the future. The sacrifice of Isaac is another such story, which is graphic and unthinkable, but which also prophesies the actions of the Son (so that we can recognize him and understand the redemption plan), and tells the story of the Father's love. This story of Joseph prophesies the work of Christ at the end, possibly enabling the servitude of all mankind to one head so that he could most easily swoop in and assume the throne created.
It seems the whole mortgage and banking collapse is much the same as this story of Joseph. It makes me uneasy that governments are providing bailout packages to the big banks and are actually purchasing billions of dollars worth of shares in them. They are purchasing large sections of the banks, which have put the vast majority of people into meaningless jobs, doing nothing more than a servant's tasks in order to keep living. To make it make even less sense, the government is using the money they've collected from the indebted people as a percentage of the wage they earn at their job - jobs these people keep in order to pay their debt - to give to and invest in the companies that have indebted them. And to take it one more step, these bailed-out banks have created the money they lent to "debt consumers" virtually out of thin air (ie. there is not enough currency printed to even come close to the amount of debt is payable out there), by legislation that allows them to use and lend out 90% of bank deposits. They charge usury on absolutely nothing, no paper linked to a piece of gold. The government is bailing them out?
The harsh reality is that the vast majority of Westerners have been sold the idea of slavery to debt as, very probably, the only way to survive. So we buy homes, and it is just so convenient that they are only affordable for the average worker if the amortization period is round about the length of time it takes us to reach retirement age. I saw somebody's Facebook status today, which read: "I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go", and it saddened me to think that this is reality for a great majority of people who work not because they enjoy it, but because they either owe enormous sums of money to the banks, or because they've bought into the "dream" that success is owing that much, or even less forunately, they work because they just can't keep up or get ahead.
Why this obsession with productivity? Why must life be centered around work? For the life of me, I've never been able to understand this. If we are the animals they say we are, why aren't we playing as much as animals are, socializing as much, getting as much rest as we need, and for heaven's sake, working just enough to meet our needs? Unfortunately, as "animals", the survival instinct kicks in and dictates the gathering of wealth to weather nature's storms and provide longevity for ourselves and our offspring.
Not much makes sense in this godless system of servitude when you really think about it.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Take My Life and Let it .... Be
For as long as I consider myself to have graduated from thinking like a child, I have been perplexed by the purposelessness of life. It seemed to me that being born, growing up, marrying, reproducing, raising children, having them grow up, marry, reproduce, and so on until the day you die is a bit of a waste of time. When all is said and done, it amounts to nothing more than what we started with – life is as life never was. A lot of people apply the life-after-death beliefs to add purpose to their lives, or they give a cold shoulder to the concept of death to extract purpose from their lives, or they say there’s purpose in their relationships. Even with all of those, with death, life is purposeless.
I came to realize that there is no purpose to what we call life because we have mis-defined life. If I were to ask you to tell me about your life, what would you say? Probably something about what you do for work, or what you’re studying, something about your family, your friends, your religion, where you live, your car, your house… your life! Most of us define our lives (and ourselves) by our interaction to and relation with the world of objects. The purpose is missing because the world of objects is passing, is non-concrete, is ending. I think there are very few people – very few – who would define their life in terms of non-matter, of non-relation to other things. And I suspect these people, who have found another way to define their lives and themselves, are much happier than the rest of us.
The busy world of matter, where we live and out of which we are created, is so engaging and distracting. It’s difficult to get an outside view of it, especially a lasting one. The mind, the part of us that relates to the world of matter, is so busy sensing the world, reacting to the world, engaging the world, and defining itself by the world, that it creates a sort of glaze over our true eyes, the eyes of our hearts. It’s an unconscious way of living that most of us spend our entire lives under. It’s so sad to see that everything we define ourselves by, and everything we obtain our worth from, and the entire novel describing ‘my life’ is a complete and utter myth. We live a lie, and it’s destructive.
It’s clear then why Jesus said, “whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” over and over again (Matt. 10:39, 16:25, Mark 8:35, Luke 9:24, 17:33, John 12:25). We had always thought this was a special word for those who’d be martyrs for him, but Jesus, the one who brought salvation, was talking about stepping out of the life that is a complete figment of the imagination, and to step into real life – to ‘find it’. He whose project was to make us whole again was telling us to stop living the false life, and in so doing, find true life.
The truth of the matter is that ‘my life’ has nothing to do with the world of matter; ‘my life’ is something that is flawed even in the way we give the concept language. There is nothing to call ‘my life’, as if it’s something I possess, rather than something I am. Our true definition and purpose comes from being alive, which has nothing to do with possession, but with being awake. Jesus, who lived as the perfect example, said “I am the life”, which is true compared to “I have a life”. Again, our identity comes up – I am. I just am. I don’t have life, I am life. This is such a fundamental truth. So simple, yet so hidden behind the relentlessly busy mind.
Thank God: the knowledge of illusion is the end of illusion.
I came to realize that there is no purpose to what we call life because we have mis-defined life. If I were to ask you to tell me about your life, what would you say? Probably something about what you do for work, or what you’re studying, something about your family, your friends, your religion, where you live, your car, your house… your life! Most of us define our lives (and ourselves) by our interaction to and relation with the world of objects. The purpose is missing because the world of objects is passing, is non-concrete, is ending. I think there are very few people – very few – who would define their life in terms of non-matter, of non-relation to other things. And I suspect these people, who have found another way to define their lives and themselves, are much happier than the rest of us.
The busy world of matter, where we live and out of which we are created, is so engaging and distracting. It’s difficult to get an outside view of it, especially a lasting one. The mind, the part of us that relates to the world of matter, is so busy sensing the world, reacting to the world, engaging the world, and defining itself by the world, that it creates a sort of glaze over our true eyes, the eyes of our hearts. It’s an unconscious way of living that most of us spend our entire lives under. It’s so sad to see that everything we define ourselves by, and everything we obtain our worth from, and the entire novel describing ‘my life’ is a complete and utter myth. We live a lie, and it’s destructive.
It’s clear then why Jesus said, “whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” over and over again (Matt. 10:39, 16:25, Mark 8:35, Luke 9:24, 17:33, John 12:25). We had always thought this was a special word for those who’d be martyrs for him, but Jesus, the one who brought salvation, was talking about stepping out of the life that is a complete figment of the imagination, and to step into real life – to ‘find it’. He whose project was to make us whole again was telling us to stop living the false life, and in so doing, find true life.
The truth of the matter is that ‘my life’ has nothing to do with the world of matter; ‘my life’ is something that is flawed even in the way we give the concept language. There is nothing to call ‘my life’, as if it’s something I possess, rather than something I am. Our true definition and purpose comes from being alive, which has nothing to do with possession, but with being awake. Jesus, who lived as the perfect example, said “I am the life”, which is true compared to “I have a life”. Again, our identity comes up – I am. I just am. I don’t have life, I am life. This is such a fundamental truth. So simple, yet so hidden behind the relentlessly busy mind.
Thank God: the knowledge of illusion is the end of illusion.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Time Accounting
I have been looking a lot at the expectations and supposed prophecies for the year 2012 (ie. dooms day) recently – very interesting stuff. Now, I don’t really believe all that, but I humored the possibility for a moment, that the world and my own life would end in less than 5 years. And I justified the thought by pairing it up with the fact that I can’t guarantee how long my life will be anyway, doomsday or not.
We’ve all asked ourselves what we would do if we found out we had six months to live, so I thought I’d start accounting for how I was spending my time, pretending I had 5 years left to live, in days, 1825. Every evening, I’d write the number of days left until 5 years (the last day) were up, and I’d write an accounting of how I spent that day.
It was depressing! I stopped doing it after about 2 weeks because I was getting a really clear understanding that my time was being squandered and I was living for nothing. Every day, I’d spend most of my waking hours at work, I’d come home, feed myself, and if the day hadn’t exhausted me, maybe a social outing in the evening. No substance, no meaning, nothing!
People who want to lose weight sometimes use the method of keeping a food journal, where they keep track of everything that is going into their bodies. This provides a different perspective on their diet and a way to count the different types of nutrients being consumed. It often helps people eat more of the right things. Time accounting is like a food journal; for me, a necessary evil. It confirmed what I already knew about everything being meaningless, as Ecclesiastes states. But it failed to tell me what I should be doing.
We’ve all asked ourselves what we would do if we found out we had six months to live, so I thought I’d start accounting for how I was spending my time, pretending I had 5 years left to live, in days, 1825. Every evening, I’d write the number of days left until 5 years (the last day) were up, and I’d write an accounting of how I spent that day.
It was depressing! I stopped doing it after about 2 weeks because I was getting a really clear understanding that my time was being squandered and I was living for nothing. Every day, I’d spend most of my waking hours at work, I’d come home, feed myself, and if the day hadn’t exhausted me, maybe a social outing in the evening. No substance, no meaning, nothing!
People who want to lose weight sometimes use the method of keeping a food journal, where they keep track of everything that is going into their bodies. This provides a different perspective on their diet and a way to count the different types of nutrients being consumed. It often helps people eat more of the right things. Time accounting is like a food journal; for me, a necessary evil. It confirmed what I already knew about everything being meaningless, as Ecclesiastes states. But it failed to tell me what I should be doing.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
On A Boat To Nowhere
My deep psyche offers up an image symbolizing my current phase of life. It is one of a small white sail boat, having just left shore. The sands are gold, and the port city is old, white, and well-lit. The deep blue of the ocean the boat is riding on expands into darker and darker shades, and then to pure black. It seems the journey is to nowhere, and will end with defeat.I have it good - really good. I live in a wealthy country, in a wealthy city, surrounded by varying degrees of wealth. I have a great job, I am working my way up the corporate ladder quicker than others, next month I will be the youngest supervisor in my entire company. At 25, I am set for life, set for a good career, set for the upper middle class, condo, cars, and travel. All signs point to success! It worries me that I am settling in for the ride, accepting the journey.
When I remember to give myself a reality check, I quickly come to the conclusion that this is nothing. It is nothing, it is worth nothing, it will amount to nothing, and I am wasting my life. It is a prevailing thought in my mind when it is not busy thinking about other things, that I am for more than this, that we all are for more than this. I can't speak for everyone, but we are wasting our lives!
I feel like I'm soley responsible for wasting my life, as I am not trying at all. Like the movement of the little sailboat is because of its sail catching the strength of another force, the wind, so am
I, coasting along, not putting any effort in. But I still go forward.
But what do I do? Most people say that to add meaning to their life they need to go out and "make a difference", but I don't care about making a difference. Yeah, the world sucks, but the forecast doesn't call for anything better. There's charity, but I'm a skeptic. I don't want to be charitible just to make myself feel better, or to create the "well-balanced" life that all the "experts" say I should have.
I want to do what God made me to do, which will involve my natural gifting and deep passions. Maybe some of what He has planned for me is charity and "making a difference" - let it be. Maybe it will be something else entirely. I know one thing is true, He did not make me to be an industrial robot or a human resource.
I feel ready. Like I've grown up, shaken off the oppression and binds of a past life, given sight to faith, born a healthy degree of skepticism, and rooted myself in reality. Enough, anyway, to
take on whatever He has for me.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
The Darkest Days
Vancouver songstress Sarah McLachlan opens her song World On Fire with the lyrics “Hearts are worn in these dark ages”. Every time I hear that song, I think about how a lot of people think that we live in the darkest days in history. My tendency is to think that while yes, there are dark things happening on earth, and horrifying potential, we are actually the most privileged set of human beings ever to live on this planet.
There are famines, there are population problems, there is global warming, there are wars and threats of wars, terrorism, nuclear technology, and outbreaks of diseases. But what are these problems compared to the problems of the past? We are privileged enough to have international law, whereby cruel dictators, which are dwarfed by ancient figures like devil-spawn Nero, can be stripped of their power. We have the technology that has created a better world in so many ways, such as medicine and healthcare and sanitation. We have advanced more in 100 years than humanity advanced in all of recorded human history combined in every way. We have a large portion of the planet’s population living under legitimate democratic government. We no longer have an educated elite hanging on to the ignorance of a general populace who can’t read to fill their coffers with the gold and silver of repentance. I could go on and on…
It’s been said that every generation says that the world is a worse place than when they were young. This all comes down to perspective. When they were young, they didn’t know half of what was going on, and weren’t versed enough in life to know how bad something actually is. When they become an adult, rationality is hijacked by the emotions involved in having children of their own, so mole hills become mountains, and everyone forgets that no one is dying from Polio anymore! Everyone forgets that Christians don’t get dipped in tar, have their mouths sewn shut, set on fire, and hung on a pole to light the road into Rome anymore.
Yet all the visible signs of a better world speak nothing of the heart’s condition. With the freedom of speech and the freedom of lunacy, the ease and universal nature of communication mediums, the inflammatory tendency of the media, there is mass confusion, a hiding of truth in the noise of opinion and commentary. This confusion added to the already confused state of most Western young people, whose legacy is one of confusion and non-clarity. No one knows who they are, where they are, why they are. The hearts of the fathers have turned from those of the sons, and because of this, the sons have done the same to their fathers. Starting with the industrial age, and ending in the death of any resemblance of the family necessary for proper nurture and care. Even though I can spend 8 hours in a plane and land on the other side of the planet unharmed, the world is full of despair and confusion.
Yes, we are wonderful, but we are despaired. Maybe, with this widespread darkness of the inner self, we do actually live in the darkest days... yet.
There are famines, there are population problems, there is global warming, there are wars and threats of wars, terrorism, nuclear technology, and outbreaks of diseases. But what are these problems compared to the problems of the past? We are privileged enough to have international law, whereby cruel dictators, which are dwarfed by ancient figures like devil-spawn Nero, can be stripped of their power. We have the technology that has created a better world in so many ways, such as medicine and healthcare and sanitation. We have advanced more in 100 years than humanity advanced in all of recorded human history combined in every way. We have a large portion of the planet’s population living under legitimate democratic government. We no longer have an educated elite hanging on to the ignorance of a general populace who can’t read to fill their coffers with the gold and silver of repentance. I could go on and on…
It’s been said that every generation says that the world is a worse place than when they were young. This all comes down to perspective. When they were young, they didn’t know half of what was going on, and weren’t versed enough in life to know how bad something actually is. When they become an adult, rationality is hijacked by the emotions involved in having children of their own, so mole hills become mountains, and everyone forgets that no one is dying from Polio anymore! Everyone forgets that Christians don’t get dipped in tar, have their mouths sewn shut, set on fire, and hung on a pole to light the road into Rome anymore.
Yet all the visible signs of a better world speak nothing of the heart’s condition. With the freedom of speech and the freedom of lunacy, the ease and universal nature of communication mediums, the inflammatory tendency of the media, there is mass confusion, a hiding of truth in the noise of opinion and commentary. This confusion added to the already confused state of most Western young people, whose legacy is one of confusion and non-clarity. No one knows who they are, where they are, why they are. The hearts of the fathers have turned from those of the sons, and because of this, the sons have done the same to their fathers. Starting with the industrial age, and ending in the death of any resemblance of the family necessary for proper nurture and care. Even though I can spend 8 hours in a plane and land on the other side of the planet unharmed, the world is full of despair and confusion.
Yes, we are wonderful, but we are despaired. Maybe, with this widespread darkness of the inner self, we do actually live in the darkest days... yet.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Turning 25
Normally birthdays, for me, are non-events. I've never really made a big deal out of them; they're just another day. In fact, if it was possible to universally gauge ourselves in terms of general maturity and other non-substantial things, I'd think we'd have more to celebrate than our current time-counting method.
In any case (jeez, I get sidetracked easy!), I'm approaching my 25th birthday, and thus far, have done so with an air of indifference, until yesterday. I slipped into a state of melancholy, due to some recent, life-impacting changes, and suddenly my 25th seemed more of an occasion than I thought. The past year, for me, has involved quite the dose of change within me as a person, and before this set of changes, there were quite a few in the previous 5 or 6 years. A great friend, Paul, says "not many people find a sense of ‘person’; they spend a lifetime in self discovery". I feel as though I've finally come into myself, I'm finally living as me. My life had been so fearful, so hindered, so painful before, but all of that has been shed, thank God. So many of my "issues" have been brought out into the open, exposed, and shot down (again, thank God). I feel as though I'm a new man, but the same man; as if I was the false Matt before, now the real Matt. And of course, I can't stop telling everyone how happy I am! (I hope people aren't bothered by it, but I can't hide it!)
So with this "new lease" on life, and with other things changing in my life, I was thinking yesterday that maybe I should treat 25 as a milestone, a turning point. I view the first 25 years of my life as preparatory years, years of establishment, then breaking that establishment, and creating a new establishment. And of course, a good foundation is the beginning of any building project. Now I can begin to build, to live as I am meant to live, to do the things that I feel are in my heart to do.
Please don't read that I think I've reached perfection (haha!), but that I've reached a good place to start. If I had tried to do the things that were "in my heart" to do in my former self, I would've left disasters everywhere I went. I don't think there should be shame in saying that you are better than you were before.
I now want to face 25 with a conscious objective. I want to use the above reasoning as ammunition against procrastination and laziness, and as fuel for perseverance. I want to live proactively, instead of my current reactive way.
So I'm going to take some time to reflect on the past few years, to take a look at what I've been doing, how I've been living, the effects and their causes. I'm also going to [try to] apply what I learn from that to the beginning of the next 25 years. That is, what am I doing wrong? How can I do better? What am I doing right? Also, I need to figure out what exactly it is that I feel I must get done in my life; what should the first few years of my next 25 involve? What is my (dare I use the mystical word) destiny? A retreat is an order.
I've got a week off work (thank God!) and a head full of thoughts (oi!), so I'm excited to get to it.
Oh ya, and I'll be doing this on the sandy beaches of Oregon, starting Monday!
I'll let you know how it goes ...
In any case (jeez, I get sidetracked easy!), I'm approaching my 25th birthday, and thus far, have done so with an air of indifference, until yesterday. I slipped into a state of melancholy, due to some recent, life-impacting changes, and suddenly my 25th seemed more of an occasion than I thought. The past year, for me, has involved quite the dose of change within me as a person, and before this set of changes, there were quite a few in the previous 5 or 6 years. A great friend, Paul, says "not many people find a sense of ‘person’; they spend a lifetime in self discovery". I feel as though I've finally come into myself, I'm finally living as me. My life had been so fearful, so hindered, so painful before, but all of that has been shed, thank God. So many of my "issues" have been brought out into the open, exposed, and shot down (again, thank God). I feel as though I'm a new man, but the same man; as if I was the false Matt before, now the real Matt. And of course, I can't stop telling everyone how happy I am! (I hope people aren't bothered by it, but I can't hide it!)
So with this "new lease" on life, and with other things changing in my life, I was thinking yesterday that maybe I should treat 25 as a milestone, a turning point. I view the first 25 years of my life as preparatory years, years of establishment, then breaking that establishment, and creating a new establishment. And of course, a good foundation is the beginning of any building project. Now I can begin to build, to live as I am meant to live, to do the things that I feel are in my heart to do.
Please don't read that I think I've reached perfection (haha!), but that I've reached a good place to start. If I had tried to do the things that were "in my heart" to do in my former self, I would've left disasters everywhere I went. I don't think there should be shame in saying that you are better than you were before.
I now want to face 25 with a conscious objective. I want to use the above reasoning as ammunition against procrastination and laziness, and as fuel for perseverance. I want to live proactively, instead of my current reactive way.
So I'm going to take some time to reflect on the past few years, to take a look at what I've been doing, how I've been living, the effects and their causes. I'm also going to [try to] apply what I learn from that to the beginning of the next 25 years. That is, what am I doing wrong? How can I do better? What am I doing right? Also, I need to figure out what exactly it is that I feel I must get done in my life; what should the first few years of my next 25 involve? What is my (dare I use the mystical word) destiny? A retreat is an order.
I've got a week off work (thank God!) and a head full of thoughts (oi!), so I'm excited to get to it.
Oh ya, and I'll be doing this on the sandy beaches of Oregon, starting Monday!
I'll let you know how it goes ...
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Emotion
One of the most insulting things anyone has ever said to me (and this wasn't too recently) is that I am "emotionally retarded". I don't know, I just can't shake it. Normally, when someone says something like this, I step back and evaluate the words said; I think we all do. This statement has just stuck into me like a thorn; I don't agree at all! It cuts even deeper when it's someone who's very very close to you. I'm sure everyone has a story like this.
In having this comment in the back of my mind for some time, I've thought a lot about emotions and emotional maturity, and I've come to realize that there is a fine line between 'emotionally retarded' and 'emotionally mature', or at least the perception of which is which. I know that sounds odd at first, but do let me continue...
I think what this person was referring to was the ability to feel, or feel much. To me, this can be said as I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. This is very true, and I find nothing wrong with it. I'm not entirely public with my inner workings, at least I haven't been in the past. However, this does not mean I don't feel, or have perception of the feelings of others. Quite the contrary ... hello! I write poetry! :)
I find it is in fact those who feel uncontrollably that are lacking some maturity. That is, you can feel all you want, and have feelings to no end, but to have no control, and to learn nothing from the experiences of having uncontrolled emotions wreak havoc on relationships is not the ideal emotional state. It creates misery for more than just the "emotional" one.
I've had my share of emotions, I've had truckloads, cement truck loads, and of course, when that happens to us, we learn to cope. We learn what's real and what isn't, what's worth dealing with and what is based on stupid guesses or assumptions. We learn about the intentions of others, about how difficult it is to communicate, to hear what's really being said. For example, when suddenly offended by something someone says, is being upset really valid? Was it said with the intent to offend? Or am I drawing offense out of a statement meant otherwise? Yet the ability to pick our battles is impossible without inner strength, being defined inwardly, rather than by the words of others.
For emotional maturity to come across as being "emotionally retarded" did well to teach me what emotional maturity really is.
My rants on emotions... thanks for reading!
In having this comment in the back of my mind for some time, I've thought a lot about emotions and emotional maturity, and I've come to realize that there is a fine line between 'emotionally retarded' and 'emotionally mature', or at least the perception of which is which. I know that sounds odd at first, but do let me continue...
I think what this person was referring to was the ability to feel, or feel much. To me, this can be said as I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. This is very true, and I find nothing wrong with it. I'm not entirely public with my inner workings, at least I haven't been in the past. However, this does not mean I don't feel, or have perception of the feelings of others. Quite the contrary ... hello! I write poetry! :)
I find it is in fact those who feel uncontrollably that are lacking some maturity. That is, you can feel all you want, and have feelings to no end, but to have no control, and to learn nothing from the experiences of having uncontrolled emotions wreak havoc on relationships is not the ideal emotional state. It creates misery for more than just the "emotional" one.
I've had my share of emotions, I've had truckloads, cement truck loads, and of course, when that happens to us, we learn to cope. We learn what's real and what isn't, what's worth dealing with and what is based on stupid guesses or assumptions. We learn about the intentions of others, about how difficult it is to communicate, to hear what's really being said. For example, when suddenly offended by something someone says, is being upset really valid? Was it said with the intent to offend? Or am I drawing offense out of a statement meant otherwise? Yet the ability to pick our battles is impossible without inner strength, being defined inwardly, rather than by the words of others.
For emotional maturity to come across as being "emotionally retarded" did well to teach me what emotional maturity really is.
My rants on emotions... thanks for reading!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
On Living With Other Humans...
So recently I forsook the much-enjoyed life of a solitary habitat to join 4 other humans in a house closer to work. Now I'm not one to dramatize little blips here and there, but... but nothing, I have nothing to complain about. For the most part, I live like I'm on my own, except for the traces of co-habitation left behind by the others in this house. Things like the bathroom - access hasn't been a problem, but cleanliness might be a bit of one (we have a shedder in the house!). But other than that, nothing is wrong. It's different, not bad.
Although, I must admit I miss having my very own space. Everything was where I put it and wanted it (it was MY mess), and if the shower was dirty, it was my dirt, and if I left dishes out for a few days, I only had to answer to myself (which can still be harsh!). Also, the fact that I didn't have to spend all my time in my bedroom was nice. Then there's the fact that I can't really sing at the top of my lungs anymore; I actually miss that. Such moments are now reserved for the car at night :)
This is good though; I should learn to live well with others, to tolerate others. And I am!
All part of [slowly] growing up.
Although, I must admit I miss having my very own space. Everything was where I put it and wanted it (it was MY mess), and if the shower was dirty, it was my dirt, and if I left dishes out for a few days, I only had to answer to myself (which can still be harsh!). Also, the fact that I didn't have to spend all my time in my bedroom was nice. Then there's the fact that I can't really sing at the top of my lungs anymore; I actually miss that. Such moments are now reserved for the car at night :)
This is good though; I should learn to live well with others, to tolerate others. And I am!
All part of [slowly] growing up.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Grandparents...
Feeling very bad about my grandparents, I took a day off work last week to go visit with my dad and sister. Though sad, I was very much assured that the staff at this facility knew what they were doing, and that they actually did it with care. It’s a private care centre run by a Christian organization, which shouldn’t make you assume it’s good care, but from what I saw, it is. They make sure my grandparents eat their meals together, and see each other as often as possible.
I really love old people; I met Kassi, who spelled her name for me several times, but when I asked her what her last name was, she couldn’t remember. It was very sweet. I also helped this lady in a wheelchair who was coming inside off the deck because it was chilly outside; she couldn’t get in the door on her own, and no one was around to help, so I pushed* her in and sent her on her way.
My grandma didn’t want us to leave and thanked us profusely for coming and helping her. She cried again as we left, and I think we all did as well. *sigh* so sad. Here we are:
I really love old people; I met Kassi, who spelled her name for me several times, but when I asked her what her last name was, she couldn’t remember. It was very sweet. I also helped this lady in a wheelchair who was coming inside off the deck because it was chilly outside; she couldn’t get in the door on her own, and no one was around to help, so I pushed* her in and sent her on her way.
My grandma didn’t want us to leave and thanked us profusely for coming and helping her. She cried again as we left, and I think we all did as well. *sigh* so sad. Here we are:
* wheelchair, there was a wheelchair; kinda sounds bad "I pushed her in"
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Something is Wrong...
I'm upset today, and it's not due to the fact that it has poured rain for more than 24 hours (it is pouring out there!). A number of things can factor into my upset-equation, but I'm mostly upset over my grandparents. They're in an assisted living home in Gibsons (a short ferry ride away), as they are now 90+ years old. They've done well though. They've stuck together, in the same room, for the past year or two, and for the same life for over 60 years. Until now: They've been separated. My grandmother's health has deteriorated to the point where she needs more constant care, so this weekend, they moved her to her own room on the other end of the complex, in the "more attentive care" section. My grandpa will remain where he is.
Now, this could've been much worse. If my grandma was unable to get in to this room, Plan B could've been a facility out of town, which would've been 10x worse.
The last time I saw my grandparents was last autumn. As we left, my grandma walked us out, and cried as she gave us hugs, and cried as we pulled away, waving her hankerchief in the air. She's conscious of her fragility, and wants nothing more than to go home; she prays for it. It broke my heart; the thought of being in a place where you are just breaking down and waiting for your moment is beyond comprehension to me at this stage.
This whole situation is breaking my heart again. My grandma worries so much about my grandpa, and now he won't be around. She's going to have some major problems with that; we all just know it.
What have we become? Is this really how we treat our old people, our parents, and grandparents? It's repulsive! It makes me hate the system we've created. This is not how it's meant to be. For ages past, elders were honoured, and more so as they aged. Families lived together, and the seniors lived with their families until they passed on. Or if they weren't living together already, they were taken in, and cared for.
The industrialization and wealth of our society has made us machines, and economic factors (liabilities); evolution has made us dead cold.
Back when families lived together, and everyone fit in to their roles, and there were relationships happening, and people believed in a god or an afterlife, things must've been better. Now we are just numbers, throwing money at problems and hiring others to do the dirty work of caring for our loved ones. As if preparing to die wasn't abhorrent enough, we have to now do it with perfect strangers. I don't want that for myself, do you?
Seeing a bunch of very old people, white and wrinkled, sitting around in diapers and giant bibs, babbling nonsense is incredibly sad to me. We start and finish our lives the same way.
I'm just a mess of thoughts and sadness today. It all makes me think of Malachi 4:5
Now, this could've been much worse. If my grandma was unable to get in to this room, Plan B could've been a facility out of town, which would've been 10x worse.
The last time I saw my grandparents was last autumn. As we left, my grandma walked us out, and cried as she gave us hugs, and cried as we pulled away, waving her hankerchief in the air. She's conscious of her fragility, and wants nothing more than to go home; she prays for it. It broke my heart; the thought of being in a place where you are just breaking down and waiting for your moment is beyond comprehension to me at this stage.
This whole situation is breaking my heart again. My grandma worries so much about my grandpa, and now he won't be around. She's going to have some major problems with that; we all just know it.
What have we become? Is this really how we treat our old people, our parents, and grandparents? It's repulsive! It makes me hate the system we've created. This is not how it's meant to be. For ages past, elders were honoured, and more so as they aged. Families lived together, and the seniors lived with their families until they passed on. Or if they weren't living together already, they were taken in, and cared for.
The industrialization and wealth of our society has made us machines, and economic factors (liabilities); evolution has made us dead cold.
Back when families lived together, and everyone fit in to their roles, and there were relationships happening, and people believed in a god or an afterlife, things must've been better. Now we are just numbers, throwing money at problems and hiring others to do the dirty work of caring for our loved ones. As if preparing to die wasn't abhorrent enough, we have to now do it with perfect strangers. I don't want that for myself, do you?
Seeing a bunch of very old people, white and wrinkled, sitting around in diapers and giant bibs, babbling nonsense is incredibly sad to me. We start and finish our lives the same way.
I'm just a mess of thoughts and sadness today. It all makes me think of Malachi 4:5
See, I will send you the prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of the Lord comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.
I think it makes sense in the context of how we have come to treat our elders (our "fathers"). So I guess there's a glimmer of hope ... or maybe a threat of a glimmer.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
So long my belovd bachelor pad!
I moved today... to North Burnaby! I hate moving, so I'm glad I got the hard parts over with. I rented a van and moved all the furniture in. Tomorrow, and over the coming days, I'll move all the "details" over. I have until Wednesday evening... but I also have to make the place I'm leaving spotless.
So anyway, this is to let you know I've moved. Instead of sending out a gigantic mass-email with my new contact details, I thought I'd post the fact that I'd moved, and anyone who wanted to come see me (I'm guessing it'll be few) could just ask me how to get there. Fair enough?
If you want to call me, I just have my cell now (no landline), so just call that. Same number :)
See you weekends Abbotsford!
So anyway, this is to let you know I've moved. Instead of sending out a gigantic mass-email with my new contact details, I thought I'd post the fact that I'd moved, and anyone who wanted to come see me (I'm guessing it'll be few) could just ask me how to get there. Fair enough?
If you want to call me, I just have my cell now (no landline), so just call that. Same number :)
See you weekends Abbotsford!
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