More on Forgiveness...

I lay awake thinking about forgiveness last night, and realized I couldn’t just stop with my previous post. I have so much to say on it! Not that I have a huge readership or anything, but that I know there are readers who hurt terribly, and are trying to be free of it. How to be free but through forgiveness? It’s the fruit of healing.

As noted earlier, our whole faith is based on forgiveness, under whose radar has slipped the grand condition (see Matthew 6 quote below in red). Forgive and you will be forgiven, don’t forgive and you won’t be. How to be saved without being fully forgiven? In essence then, the manifestation of forgiveness is your complete forgiveness of others.

I used to have a heavy load of offenses to forgive; and I hated the load. I had the will but not the way. I would pray and pray and pray about it, and ponder, ponder, ponder, trying desperately to find some way to forgive. Somehow, I think we know deep down that forgiveness is freedom; it’s in our hearts. I tried everything, nothing worked; I read so many books, and though offering insight, none told me how! I remember at one point making a little blank booklet and carrying it around me so that whenever a memory popped into my mind about someone hurting or offending me, I’d write it down with plans to burn the book in some metaphorical ceremony when I was done. That didn’t work.

After I had exhausted any method my mind could muster, I came to resign in God’s love, and I think that’s where forgiveness begins and ends. I read about Joseph, whose horrible tale of betrayal and hurt ended royally. How could he possibly forgive his brothers for what they did to him? How could he forgive his prison mates for forgetting him, the ruler’s wife for framing him, and above them all, God for letting it all happen? In fact, he wasn’t let out of that prison until he had made peace with them all, and until he even had a heart of thankfulness towards his offenders for what they had done (see Gen. 50:20). What he didn’t realize until the end was that God held the keys to his prison, not Pharaoh. And it’s the same for us.

Consider this: Did the Lord forgive me because He felt sorry for me? No. Because He looked at all the things that made me the way I was and determined it wasn’t my fault? No. We’re all at fault. He forgave for no more and no less than His love for me - His pearl of great price. Everyone can blame everything wrong on anything and be absolutely right, but until we own everything that’s wrong with us, dismissing all who’ve made us this way, we have nothing to offer God to forgive us of. That’s why: forgive and you will be forgiven.

There’s a big front door to forgiveness. Make a list of all the wrongs against you, and manually squeeze them out of your blame membrane. Long, tedious, imperfect, and a work that can be boasted of. There’s also a small door to forgiveness, around the corner, a few steps away, and kind of hard to see. It’s the “I Love You” door. Everything, everything, everything that makes up the word “you” on its banner is preceded by “I Love…”. I love you. If He loves who I am, who I blame everyone else for making me, then I guess I’m ok. This is me. This is who I am. This is who He loves. Now I can set everyone free!

I love the story of Joseph; it’s my favourite. I find so much help from his life. I’ve come now to realize, just like God helped Joseph do, that my life would not be worth living had I not come through what I have, nor would it's future have any meaning. And without going into detail (since this post is quite long already!), I have literally experienced resentment re-formed into love, bondage converted to freedom, and mourning become dancing. And it all happened within me, not externally. It was a work of the heart; a simple revelation of His love for me, permeating my entire existence (of both time and space).

*deep, happy breath* It’s so good.